My duromine addiction story

For those who don’t know, #duromine is a prescribed narcotic that is aimed to help with decreasing appetite and aiding weight loss.⁣ ⁣ When I first heard about duromine I was 16 years old, and I pretty much instantly jumped on my lil moped scooter and scooted off to the doctor to get a prescription.⁣ ⁣ There was one problem, I wasn’t overweight, so the doctor refused me. In my eyes, I was was obese, although I only wanted to lose 10 kilos.⁣ ⁣ I went home crying, before I had the idea to hit up another doctor. A term I’ve come to learn is called ‘doctor shopping’.⁣ ⁣ I scooted off to another doctors office, and at the time felt extremely lucky to get the duromine prescription. ⁣ ⁣ I left the doctors office singing the doctors name in happiness… EHHHH SVETLANA EH EH EH EH. EHHHHH SVETLANA EH EH EH EH.⁣ ⁣ I headed straight to the chemist to pick up my ‘skinny drugs’ and was soooo excited to take my first 💊⁣ ⁣ “I’m finally going to be skinny” I thought, and popped that baby in my mouth and washed it down with a protein shake.⁣ ⁣

[photo above is of me at 16 about to go out drinking, this was just before I started taking duromine]⁣

That night I didn’t sleep. A usual effect of #duromine. After all, it is a form of speed.⁣ ⁣ Along with the duromine, I was eating so little calories, I was basically starving myself. I so badly wanted to aid and help the duromine do its thing.⁣ ⁣ A few weeks past, and I looked like a different person. My face was sunken, my belly had gone down. I had lost a massive amount of weight in a short period of time.⁣ ⁣ “I started using duromine” I would tell a client at work.⁣ “Yeah you’ve really lost weight, you can really see it in your face” she said with concern.⁣ ⁣ I became extremely depressed, moody and suicidal. ⁣ “I think the duromine is making you crazy”⁣ Said a concerned friend⁣.. 😕 “No it’s not that, I just fucking hate myself and my life” I replied in denial. ⁣ ⁣🤬 *I remember around this time my uncle made pasta bolognaise 🍝 and there was no cheese to go with it... HOT DAMN I threw a full on temper tantrum and decided to eat NOTHING. I still love cheese to this day, so I understand my anger, but like, lezbehonest it was a bit much 😂*⁣ ⁣ At this point I was very close to my goal weight…⁣ but still in denial of the negative impact it was having on me... ⁣

[photo of me whilst on duromine at the age of 16]

Eventually, I hit my goal weight and decided to come off the drug. The doctor said I should slowly wean off it by taking it one day and skipping taking it the next. Well, this caused me SEVERE anxiety and SLEEP PARALYSIS. I would wake up in my sleep unable to move, paralysed like I was in a nightmare, but I was 💯 awake. No matter how hard I tried to move or scream I couldn’t. I was helplessly frozen. I could only see a scary demon-like shape in the moon light. It. Was. horrible. This went in for what felt like forever, but luckily it was only 1 month.⁣ ⁣ On the off days I would have NO ENERGY. Like I couldn’t even walk around and live a normal day. BUT on the on day with duromine, I was a ball of energy cleaning and getting shit done like a crazy person, or someone on drugs 😂😏⁣ ⁣ After I finally spent a month coming off the duromine as the doctor recommended, and I was duromine free, I had no energy to do anything but binge eat.⁣ ⁣ I was already depressed and unfulfilled in my life working a live-in nanny job that I hated, and to make matters worse I had no friends or hobbies.⁣ ⁣ I ended up gaining all the weight back instantly.⁣ ⁣ I may have gone up and down with my weight but on the inside, I was still just as depressed as I was in the beginning.⁣ ⁣ At this point I decided to go back on duromine so I could ‘be skinny’ again. After hitting up one doctor who refused me the prescription because one of his patients committed suicide on it, I ignored his warning and went doctor shopping again for the duromine prescription, like the good lil’ 17 year old drug addict I was.⁣ ⁣ Not even a year into my journey on Duromine and I was back at square one: Shopping around for duromine again thinking it would bring me to happiness… stay tuned for the final part to my story!⁣ ⁣

[photo of me whilst wheaning off of Duromine at 17, the blinds in the background were where I would see the demons every night!]

After finding a doctor to prescribe me my drug of choice, I waited for the weight to come off. Only this time it didn’t. I was already ‘tolerant’ to the drug, and this time I was much less excited about it. I was also MUCH more depressed at this point, and less motivated to eat well and exercise.⁣ ⁣ I decided that I was better off to continue taking the duromine, despite not eating well and exercising, because it would probably help me not gain AS MUCH weight. ⁣ ⁣ As the years went on and my weight yoyo’d, I kept this mentality that duromine was a support for me to help keep the weight off.⁣ ⁣ I lost count of how many doctors I went throughout my early adulthood to find #duromine prescriptions. It was quite hard for me to ‘score’ seeing as I looked completely healthy, and was no where near obese.⁣ ⁣ The duromine continued and so did the depression. The depression only grew worse and worse. I didn’t know how to fix it. ⁣ ⁣ I took duromine from the age of 16 right up until I was 21.⁣ ⁣ I suffered extreme headaches, fevers, muscle aches, mood swings and more from the duromine but to me, that was better than gaining weight. ⁣ ⁣ At the age of 21, my depression and binge eating hit an all time low.⁣ ⁣ I gained 60kgs in less that 8 months.⁣ ⁣ It was only at this time that I decided I would finally stop taking duromine.⁣ ⁣ That the headaches and other issues weren’t worth it. After all, it clearly wasn’t assisting me with keeping weight off anymore.⁣ ⁣ I realised it was simply a bandaid to a much deeper problem, or problems.⁣ ⁣ I put the box of duromine away into my medicine cabinet for emergencies, and for safe keeping. I held on to that box for a long time.⁣ ⁣ I was tempted to take it again many times. I did go back to it once or twice, but I ultimately knew it was the wrong choice.⁣ ⁣ I’m proud to say I’m now duromine free. I didn’t want to share this story for a long time because of the shame that came with it. But if I can prevent one 16 year old, or anyone for that matter from taking this drug, it will be worth it.